Friday, July 3, 2009

Mixed Emotions

My dad is getting remarried tomorrow after having been divorced from my mother for 12 years. While certainly I am happy for my dad, this is a hard event to work through emotionally. When my dad and mom divorced, I was legally supposed to live with my mom. I was a sophomore in high school at the time and decided to live with my dad. I felt like he needed me. It was the year my sister went off to college so it was just me and my dad. We grew extremely close and had a bond that I don't think most dads and daughters had. There were ice creams at home each night, dates to the dollar movie and all sorts of great memories. As I went through college, I came home every weekend to see my dad during my freshman year that I was miserable at Shorter. Not many dads would be willing to drive two hours to Rome and two hours back to Lilburn, only to do it again on Sunday. I was so blessed to have his company and his support during that hard time. We talked every night all my years in college. Being at UGA allowed us to see each other frequently without the long drives and we remained close.

Then after Scott and I got divorced I lived with my dad again for six months. It was the two of us alone again. My dad helped me stay strong at a time when I could have crumbled into pieces. We faced the pains and evils of divorce again and it strengthened our bond even more than I imagined possible.
Now that he is getting married tomorrow, I am full of emotions. I am happy my dad wont be alone anymore. I am saddened because he has bought a new house and that means I will soon watch my childhood home, where we have lived since I was five, go up for sale and go out of my life. I am scared at whether our relationship will stay in tact now that he is moving on in a way and gaining new family. I want more than anything to stay important to my father. I want to stay just as wonderfully close as we have always been. But with the happiness of him finding someone, there are a lot of unknowns that leave me a thought away from bawling. It is a hard time but I try to comfort myself with all the happy times that we have shared and the memories that reside in my mind. I know that with time this will become more normal and it will feel easier to be happy and at peace with this change.


Carrie Beth said...

I loved that you were so honest in this post. I think it is so special that you two are so close and I bet you will stay that way. Have fun at your Dad's wedding!

Britni Desiree Meadows said...

This made me cry. Change is never easy but know that everything will work out. Hang in there.